THE question! The one that seems to be on everyone’s mind. We rarely worry about other people’s sleep in normal situations. At night, we sleep. End of story. No controversy here. But when it comes to new parents and their babies, sleep turns into an obsession and a hot topic!
Entering parenthood inevitably comes with a lack of sleep. We know it, we try to prepare, but when exhaustion builds up, we understand why everyone told us to “enjoy sleep while you still can.” As if sleep could be stored in a savings account!
The truth is, this transition is difficult, and there’s no way to sugarcoat it. Becoming a parent means physical fatigue, often intense. But beyond the tiredness, the flood of opinions on baby sleep adds a whole other level of challenge. In the past, new parents had the support of a community; today, they often face an endless stream of judgments instead.
“Oh, you let your baby sleep in your bed?”
“If they fall asleep while nursing, they’ll never link sleep cycles on their own.”
“Yes, babies need closeness, but they also need to learn to sleep alone.”
“Sleep when the baby sleeps.”
“Have you tried white noise? Is the room really dark? No, REALLY dark? If you’re not tripping on your way out, it’s not dark enough.”
So, how do you navigate this ocean of advice and “magic” solutions?
The key: surround yourself with a supportive network and learn to set boundaries. It’s not easy, but here’s an example of what that might look like:
– “Is your baby sleeping through the night?”
– “Not yet! (And what does sleeping through the night even mean? 6 hours, 8 hours, 12 hours?)”
– “Oh, you must be exhausted!”
– “Yes, a bit.”
– “Have you tried (insert XYZ here)? It worked wonders for us!”
– “I’m so happy to hear it worked for you! No, we haven’t tried that yet, but we’re learning about our baby’s needs, and we’re confident that better sleep is on the way. What really helps us? Pre-made meals! That makes a big difference in our daily life.”
Lack of sleep increases cortisol levels and reduces cognitive abilities—this is biologically programmed. But what doesn’t make sense is the expectation that just one or two adults should handle all baby care, each in their own home. Historically, humans have raised children in communities, and today’s lack of support takes a heavy toll. We’ve replaced the support network with swings, monitors, white noise machines… and the race to get babies to “sleep through the night.”
What if we replaced this obsession with a culture of support for new parents?
What if, instead of asking if the baby sleeps through the night, we asked, “How are you adjusting to parenthood?”
What if, instead of offering unsolicited advice, we offered practical help?
Maybe then we’d stop talking about babies’ sleep so much.
In the meantime, we’re here to support parents in this experience with evidence-based information that respects their values. To learn more about our sleep consulting services, click here!
